Stages of Grief - How Can I Help My Partner Grieve

What should I say or not say to help my loved one’s grief?

ARTICLE SUMMARY

“Honestly, your illness is very serious. We still have more tests to run, and there are treatment options available”. Standing next to the patient in the hospital room, the doctor leaned forward and held the patient’s hand. He patted her lovingly and spent a few more minutes with her, answering her questions. He spoke the truth about her disease, showed compassion by his touch, and finally gave the time she needed to ask questions.

What should I say to my dying loved one?

How your loved one is told of their serious illness is as important as the illness itself.
Tone of voice used, the time spent, the touching all can be more important than the message.
Do not avoid the issue of their seriousness of their diagnosis.
At the same time do not talk about their impeding death unless they desire it.
Do not talk of number of days or weeks remaining – nobody really knows this anyway.

In helping your loved one through the stages of grief, you should avoid the use of words “should” and ought”. Instead, focus on a minimum of what your loved one would like to do. Do not give up hope, and always leave room for hope for new drugs, a miracle cure.

Possibly the most important thing you can do for your loved one is to face your own attitude on death. By facing and working through your own end of life issues, fears and anxiety, you may not only help your loved one through their grief, but turn this into an experience of growth for all.

What should I say or not say to help my loved one’s grief?

FULL ARTICLE

“Honestly, your illness is very serious. We still have more tests to run, and there are treatment options available”. Standing next to the patient in the hospital room, the doctor leaned forward and held the patient’s hand. He patted her lovingly and spent a few more minutes with her, answering her questions. He spoke the truth about her disease, showed compassion by his touch, and finally gave the time she needed to ask questions.

How your loved one is told of their serious illness is as important as the illness itself. The tone of voice used, the time spent, the touching all can be more important than the content of the message itself. Questions to ask such as “how sick are you” reflect the honesty and openness that your loved one may be looking for. Do not avoid the issue of their seriousness of their diagnosis. At the same time do not talk about their impeding death unless they desire too, and do not talk of number of days or weeks remaining – nobody really knows this anyway.

In helping your loved one through the stages of grief, you should avoid the use of words “should” and ought”. Instead, focus on a minimum of what your loved one would like to do. Persistent nurturing on your part will help your loved one work through their grief. This will help them to overcome their anxiety and fear of their death. Do not give up hope, and always leave room for hope for new drugs, a miracle cure.

Don’t force issues, but instead allow your loved one’s grief to work itself out. Stop talking anytime they want, but remain with them in silence if that is acceptable. Possibly the most important thing you can do for your loved one is to face your own attitude on death. By facing and working through your own end of life issues, fears and anxiety, you may not only help your loved one through their grief, but turn this into an experience of growth for all.