Fast for the Dying: Day 21

March 9, 2010

The final day of the 21 day Fast for the Dying.  By the numbers it looks like this:  I lost about 20 pounds, as far as I can tell mostly fat.  I lost over 3 inches on my waste, and feel very good.  I slept about 6 hours each night very soundly, woke up very refreshed.  Prior to this fast the longest I had fasted was 1 day (other than a 3 day forced fast in the wilderness – but that is another story).  I had a physician supervise my fast, and I recommend that before you undertake any fast.  My fast consisted of lots of water, 1 to 1 ½ gallons a day, small amounts of 100% juice (about 3 oz fruit juice or fruit vegetable blend, diluted 50% with water) every two hours to keep my blood sugar up.  I also drank a vitamin water, a can of V8 for lunch and had chicken or beef broth each night for dinner. 

But far more important than the numbers, this has been a good learning spiritual experience for me.  I did not have glorious visions of God, grand revelations on life.  In the words of Jantezen Franklin “fasting bring you into a deeper, more intimate, and more powerful relationship with the Lord“.  I did not feel that, instead I felt silence.  Not the silence of being ignored, but rather the silence like his presence, he is listening and waiting on me.  In some ways this was the biggest disappointment for me in my fast, and I complained about it often, going against the rules of the fast to “not complain”.  Today things came to a head with the word “irascible”.  For some reason that word has been stuck in my head, being whispered over and over like a song stuck in your mind, for the past 2 or 3 days.  I looked it up today and discovered it means ‘easily provoked to anger’.  How many times in our own lives are we irascible?  If you are a true practicing Christian all the time, that word should never apply to you.  I now realize I was hearing small whisperings that pointed to my own flaws, truths about myself that before now I was not fully conscious of.

Elijah fled for his life into the desert, and then slept under a broom tree.  An Angel brought him food and told him to get up and eat “or else the journey be to long for you”.  Elijah walked forty days and nights (fasting the entire time) to the mountains to a cave.  “Then the LORD said, “Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by.” A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the LORD - but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake - but the LORD was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake there was fire - but the LORD was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound. When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrance of the cave.”  1 Kings 19 11-13.  It is in this whispering that Elijah heard God’s voice, not in the crushing wind, earthquake or fire.  God speaks to us in the silence of our own hearts.  It is thru this fast I have heard the truth whispered to me, and have gained strength to resist temptations. 

This Fast has taught me there is a power over yourself that you gain in fasting, and once you learn that lesson you will receive the strength to make good choices in your day to day life.  Your will must be inclined to choose properly, but with fast you gain the power to exercise that choice.  You gain the power to say no to your temporary pleasures and desires, and say yes to the things that are truly important in your life.  How often do we know the right thing to do, but instead in weak moments choose otherwise, by submitting ourselves to our passing pleasures or temptations?  Remember the will is a muscle that must be exercised, and fasting is the resistance training that your will muscle needs to become strong.  You must will to make that choice, and with the power of fasting behind you, you then have the strength to act on it.

Forgiveness is perhaps one of the hardest things to do in life, especially to those who have wrongly persecuted you.  You must incline your will to want to forgive, before the heart will forgive.  While you may have just reasons for not forgiving, those reasons really do not matter.  If you call yourself a Christian then you are called to love not only your friends but also to love your enemies, those who persecute you and your family.  In the words of Mother Teresa “forgive them anyway”.  If you are dying, you have little time left to forgive, so forgive first in your heart those who have harmed you, persecuted you.  If you have the strength, find some way to contact them, and let them know of your forgiveness.  While you are at it, ask them to forgive you as well.  But all this must come from the heart first - it must be real and heart-felt, not just empty words. 

It is in the heart that the struggle to forgive happens.  Once the heart says yes to forgiveness, then the will finds a way to make it happen.

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 20

March 8, 2010

Strange that it has been 20 days since I last ate food.  When I say it, it sounds incredible, but I take no credit.  A good friend of mine congratulated me on it today, and I simply pointed up into the heavens.  You see I have a difficult time going 20 hours without food, much less 20 days!  So the source of that ability, that strength has to be coming from outside of me.  Therefore, I cannot take credit for what is not mine.  Also, to me it is feels like I am a spectator, an outsider simply watching this fast.

Driving up to Indy today was a real pleasure – the sun was out, the snow was melting, temperatures warming – almost like a spring day, very joyful - until the accident on I-75 northbound.  Heavy metal parts dropped out of a semi truck in front of me.  I swerved to avoid them, and so did the cars around me.  I slowed down, and after traffic passed me by I pulled over, and began to back up, to remove the parts from the highway.  I got out of the car, but another pack of cars and trucks were coming so I had to wait.  I saw a semi in the middle lane heading right for the metal, I did not have time to run out in the highway and grab it, all I could do was point to it.  The driver tried to avoid it but could not – he clipped the edge of a long piece of heavy gauge steel and it went flying up underneath the truck.  The piece turned end over end, wedged into the pavement and jammed through the bottom of the semi, pinned against the rear tires.  Smoke started pouring out of the back end, and the grinding metal forced the trucker to pull off the highway - fortunately no one was hurt.

I cleared the remaining parts off the highway, got back into the car and went to check on the semi.  The driver was out checking the damage – wow, this piece was wedged good, I did not think the truck was drivable.  It had penetrated the floor of the semi a foot at least, and was wedged against the tires and the road.  The driver could only say “how in the heck am I going to get that out?”  Lucky it did not fly through someone’s windshield, for this could easily have been a deadly accident.

Thinking about this freakish accident makes you realize that life is so fragile.  At any moment, some accident could instantly take away your life.  It should make us appreciate the gifts that we have, starting with our family and friends.  So for those not facing a terminal illness, how ready are you to come face to face with your own mortality?  Think about this - what goodbyes would you want to say?  Who would you want to forgive, and who would you want to seek forgiveness from? 

There are many who carry life-long grudges that simply weigh the spirit, weigh the soul down.  Would it not be a good time to take inventory of those, and see what it would take to offload that extra baggage, to relieve yourself from that burden?  And what about relieving the burdens for those you care about - and for that matter, those you don’t care about?  Especially if you claim you are Christian, Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven times.  Who should you forgive and who should you seek forgiveness from?   

For those not facing the end of life, consider the possibility of you facing your own death today.  What would you do today different than before?   When you come to grips with the realities of dying that we all must face someday, you will be better prepared to help those today who are truly facing their own end of life.

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 19

March 7, 2010

It is not until fasting do you considered how much time you spend getting ready to eat, eating, and cleaning up after eating.  And while you are at it, also consider how much food we as Americans consume.  I have gone without food for 19 days on my fat reservoir, and could easily go another 19 days!  We have such abundance in our country, but like many things in life, we take for granted, we don’t appreciate it.  You have heard the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.  Or in the words of the song “Don’t it always seem to go - that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?”

It is helpful for a proper perspective in life, in order to see reality, that you take inventory and study the blessings you truly have.  Then look around you at those less fortunate than you.  Do you see anyone lonely, depressed, someone that you could help, offer words of encouragement?  You cannot judge a book by its cover, and you cannot judge people by their appearance.  Just because they have money or success or a smile doesn’t mean they are happy.  Step out of your comfort zone and reach out to others.  The best way you can help deal with your own grief is to help others who are suffering as well.  Thereby you find meaning in your own life and reason to live.        

Tragically each year more than 1 million people take their own lives - more than the combined annual deaths from homicides and wars. Suicide is a leading cause of death among teenagers and adults under 35. Men are three times more likely to attempt suicide than women, but rates among women have risen alarmingly fast in the last decade.

The problem has become so severe that the World Health Organization (WHO) proclaimed September 10 as World Suicide Prevention Day. 

Why then, with our superior technology and (supposedly) greater knowledge, is the suicide problem rising so fast?  What is causing this rise?  Could it be what Vicktor Frankle stated in his book “Mans Search for Meaning”  that those who do not find meaning in their lives – a loved one to come home to, a special work that only they can complete, faith that allows them to see past their own suffering – those that fail to find meaning give up and surrender to death?

This meaning in our life has to be outside of ourselves, it has to rely on others to give us strength to carry on.  I could not carry on this fast if it were simply about losing weight, I would have given up long before now.  But I have committed to many people to carry this fast out for their benefit, and that is the reason to continue, and provides the strength when I am weak.  

Faith will get some of us through tough times.  It is often said “There are no atheists in foxholes”.  When we are faced with the end of life, we must come to grips with the question “What comes next?”  We must face this, or risk perishing eternally.  You may be a believer, you may not.  But it is simply illogical to avoid the question when you are dying, for you will shortly find the answer to the mystery that all seek, and all will eventually find.

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 18

March 6, 2010

Today I traveled to Ashland for a swim meet for one of my daughters.  I brought along for my fast my diet of vitamin water and juices, but the real challenge of the day was the dinner out with other team members.  I wanted to participate with Maggie and her friends and their parents, so I planned to eat out with them.   Fortunately the restaurant had onion soup on the menu, so I ordered it, and asked the waiter to strain the onions, hold the cheese and bread. 

Normally eating dinner with my family does not stimulate the serious hunger pangs, but for some reason when the dishes were brought out to our group at the table, my senses were nearly overwhelmed at the sight of the delicious food spread out in this feast.  Yikes!  I prayed for the strength to endure, and lifted this up to God.  By the strength of the grace given to me I was able to move past this, and enjoy the lively table conversation.

Fasting for the dying is to bring meaning and comfort to the sufferings of those facing end of life, and to be compassionate by sharing in their suffering.  Like dying to yourself, it is freely giving yourself so that others may benefit from it.  It is not a physical death, but a partial spiritual death that is given without conditions, so others may gain spiritual health.

Death is often awaited as liberation from the suffering of this life, an end of suffering.  Death is the destruction of the body, where all functioning ceases, physical and mental.  However the soul survives, it exists separated from the body, while the body is subjected to gradual decomposition.  This fulfills the words of God, after the original sin committed by Adam and Eve at the beginning of humankind: “You are dust and to dust you shall return” Genesis.  

Death itself is not a form of suffering in the sense of it is beyond all forms of suffering, but the fear and pain of death is suffering.  In the words of John Paul II “The evil which the human being experiences in death has a definitive and total character.  (But) by his salvific work, the only-begotten Son (of God) liberates man from sin and death. First of all he blots out from human history the dominion of sin, which took root under the influence of the evil Spirit, beginning with Original Sin, and then he gives man the possibility of living in Sanctifying Grace.

In the wake of his victory over sin, he also takes away the dominion of death, by his Resurrection beginning the process of the future resurrection of the body. Both are essential conditions of “eternal life”, that is of man’s definitive happiness in union with God; this means, for the saved, that in the eschatological perspective suffering is totally blotted out.

That is saying it far better than I ever could.  But his point is clear - suffering is a worldwide worldly phenomena.  But for those facing the eternal bliss in heaven, suffering will be destroyed, and that is a cause for hope. 

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 17

March 5, 2010

Many challenges continue to face us all as we go about our daily existence.  Care for our loved ones, especially those suffering greatly, care for our children, paying the bills, worries about the condition of our country all seem to build upon each other sometime to the point where we can scarcely catch our breath.  What do we do in these circumstances, when nothing seems to work?

The way to forget about your cares is to take on the cares of others, to have compassion for others.  Have you ever noticed that when you were so involved in another’s care that you completely forgot your own worries? 

This is a universal life experience, shared by humanity across centuries.  It can also be seen in the words of Matthew in his Gospel: “Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was in prison and you came to me”. To the just, who ask when they did all this to him, the Son of Man will respond: “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me”.

John Paul II in his apostolic letter SALVIFICI DOLORIS writes “One could certainly extend the list of the forms of suffering that have encountered human sensitivity, compassion and help, or that have failed to do so. The first and second parts of Christ’s words about the Final Judgment unambiguously show how essential it is, for the eternal life of every individual, to “stop”, as the Good Samaritan did, at the suffering of one’s neighbor, to have “compassion” for that suffering, and to give some help.”  So the natural law which includes our experiences in life, is supported and evidenced in the bible as well.

So bringing this full circle, where is the good in suffering?  John Paul II states “suffering is present in the world in order to release love, in order to give birth to works of love towards neighbor, in order to transform the whole of human civilization into a “civilization of love”. In this love the salvific meaning of suffering is completely accomplished.”

And finally, he closes with these beautiful words.  “Let there also gather beneath the Cross all people of good will, for on this Cross is the “Redeemer of man”, the Man of Sorrows, who has taken upon himself the physical and moral sufferings of the people of all times, so that in love they may find the salvific meaning of their sorrow and valid answers to all of their questions.  Together with Mary, Mother of Christ, who stood beneath the Cross, we pause beside all the crosses of contemporary man.”

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 16

March 4, 2010

Hunger is weighing me down.  In the past I used that word so casually, “I’m hungry, what’s for dinner?”  I had no idea of the true meaning of that word.  When I hear that many children in this world go to bed hungry, I now have a far greater appreciation what that really means since fasting.  But the end is now near, and for many in our fasting group the fast will end on Wednesday.  But for others, the fast may continue thru Good Friday, the Friday before Easter.  Ever wonder why it is called “Good”, when in fact it is the very day that Jesus Christ was crucified, suffered, died and was buried?  Suffering has many sides, but the least visible is it’s goodness. 

In his apostolic letter SALVIFICI DOLORIS Pope John Paul II writes about the Apostle Paul who says: “In my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the Church”.  These words seem to be found at the end of the long road that winds through the suffering which forms part of the history of man and which is illuminated by the Word of God. These words have as it were the value of a final discovery, which is accompanied by joy. For this reason Saint Paul writes: “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake”.  The joy comes from the discovery of the meaning of suffering, and this discovery, even if it is most personally shared in by Paul of Tarsus who wrote these words, is at the same time valid for others. The Apostle shares his own discovery and rejoices in it because of all those whom it can help—just as it helped him—to understand the salvific meaning of suffering.

John Paul II continues “Man suffers in different ways, ways not always considered by medicine, not even in its most advanced specializations. Suffering is something which is still wider than sickness, more complex and at the same time still more deeply rooted in humanity itself. It is obvious that pain, especially physical pain, is widespread in the animal world. But only the suffering human being knows that he is suffering and wonders why; and he suffers in a humanly speaking still deeper way if he does not find a satisfactory answer. This is a difficult question, just as is a question closely akin to it, the question of evil. Why does evil exist? Why is there evil in the world? When we put the question in this way, we are always, at least to a certain extent, asking a question about suffering too.

This is far to large a topic to be covered in 1 post, so this will be continued.

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 15

March 3, 2010

Will power is an incredible tool that we humans do not make enough use of.  Why not?  Because we do not take the time or effort to build it up.  Or perhaps we simply do not know how to.  Will power, or what I have called “will muscle”, is just like any other muscle – you have to use it or you lose it.  I mention this again because it is an important point, for with the right will, you can do practically anything you want to. 

To build up the right will, you must exercise it.  The way to exercise any muscle is resistance training, and the will muscle is no different.  In resistance training you resist against an opposing force – gravity, weight machines or whatever.  In building “will muscle” you resist against an opposing force, your desire to eat.  When you fast you resist the temptation to eat, and thus your will becomes stronger.  Fasting builds up will. 

A long fast is a life changing event, in that you gain confidence in your will, and thus are able to resist future temptations that deter you from your goals in life.  Once you can see the true abilities of your will, and what your will properly applied can do for you, then no longer are you subject of your passions.  Instead your body is now subject to your will.  You are the master, and King Stomach has been dethroned, all by your newly discovered will.

Many times have I heard stories of how the dying literally ‘will themselves’ into dying at a certain time, perhaps after a certain event or a visit by a loved one.  A nurse told me the story of a patient in a nursing home, an elderly lady, who was bedfast.  She had not sat upright in bed for weeks, but somehow had managed to communicate that she wanted to see her grandson before she died.  The black sheep of the family, the grandson was in prison, and she knew it, but that did not deter her will to see him, and she would not let go of her life until she saw him one last time.

Finally the Warden agreed to release this young man, just to visit his dying grandmother.  She was surrounded by family members and the nurse was there as well, when her grandson walked into the room.  At the sound of his voice, she literally sat bolt upright in bed, and embraced the young man to the astonishment of her family.  She then lay down and passed away shortly after.  This had a profound impact on the young man, and on the other family members there.  It is clear that her will to live was hinged on something important to her and she could not let go until that visit occurred.

The will is an incredible tool, a gift of controlling the uncontrollable.  Is your dying loved one hanging on, waiting for some person, or something?  If they are, then talk to them about it if they are able.  If not, find out yourself what it is they are waiting for.  Help your loved one somehow express what it is that they desire before they pass away, then seek to satisfy their desire to the best of your ability. 

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 14

March 2, 2010

Jetenzen Franklin describes fasting in his book “Fasting” as “wearisome”, and I could not agree more.  The daily struggle of not eating any food wears on you, like a grinding stone against your mind.  Tonight when I opened the refrigerator to get water, I spotted a block of cheddar cheese unopened, along with lettuce and dressing for a nice salad, my favorite meal.  I thought to myself I would love to eat that right now - the hunger pangs are in full force.  But instead the choice is made not to eat at this time.

My sister Monica shared with me a story about her parish priest’s homily at the start of Lent.  He loves chocolate, and places a bar of Cadbury chocolate, his favorite brand, right on his desk.  Each day he looks at it and says “Chocolate I really love you, but I love God more!”  It really brings the point home about who or what is the master – the food or God.  You can only serve one or the other.

A good friend of mine lost his mother yesterday.  He has been burdened by several close deaths in his family, and my fasting and prayers go out especially to him and his family tonight.  And even as I remember him, the fasting and prayers continue for all those facing the end of life.  As discussed before, compassion means to “suffer with”, and that is what fasting and praying for the dying is all about.

It is easier to fast for others that to fast for yourself.  If it were just for yourself, then you can easily convince yourself that it is not worth it, and talk yourself right out of the fast.  But since it is for others, there is a chosen responsibility to others that makes it much more difficult to “weasel” out of a commitment.  It’s that old choice to “serve others” versus “serve yourself” thing again.  Real strength of character is found in the “serving others” side of life.

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 13

March 1, 2010

It seems I always start this Fast blog the same way, like “up early”, or variations of that.  I wanted to change it around, but thought came to me (yeah, real quick aren’t I?) “hey dude, you start every day that way!”  The Fast for the Dying continues another day, denying myself food while offering compassion to those facing the end of life.  

For many seniors in High School, real life challenges are facing them right now, as they make plans for college.  Some even fear if they do not get into the right college it could ruin their life.  Ah, life in the eyes of the youth - they believe so much rides on today’s choices, and they fear they have so little time to get it right.  We greybeards have a much different view.     

The paths we choose make us what we are, but there are endless opportunities for change, and to alter our course or path through life.  Like our bodies healing from wounds, our lives can heal from our decisions we make.  When one path shuts down another often opens up.  Not often are decisions so permanent that they cannot be corrected or changed, given enough time, patience and forgiveness.

And such is life.  We all have chosen paths to this point, but it does not have to stop here.  Even if only days remain in your life you can still choose your paths, right the wrongs in life, still find meaning to your life.  Do not let despair keep you from finding that path to meaning.  Whether it is a person to love, to forgive, to seek forgiveness, to share, to say goodbye, a work to be done that only you can do – whatever it is turn to it and do not give up. 

Randy Pausch, in The Last Lecture, never did give up.  A father of 3 diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, he lived his last days to the fullest and inspired millions.  In the words of John Paul II “do not be afraid, do not be satisfied with mediocrity.  Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.”  Or, in a humorous note, the words of Tim Allen in the movie “Galaxy Quest” ring true – “Never give up, never surrender!” 

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky

Fast for the Dying: Day 12

February 28, 2010

After I nice sound sleep I woke up early, before the alarm.  I have noticed that I am sleeping well and usually wake refreshed.  The hunger drive this morning is not nearly so strong as it was yesterday.  Like life, there are good days and bad days, and this fast is no different.  The desire to eat is still there, but I keep it hidden and out of sight, covered in a veil, so it does not consume me.  This Fast for the Dying is a quest to me, like Frodo and the Lord of the Rings.  As Frodo’s very wise servant said “I have something to do before the end. I must see it through, sir, if you understand.–Sam Gamgee, The Lord of the Rings

A few years back I asked one of our patients what a good day to him was.  I will never forget what he told me - he said “a good day is when I can swing these two legs of mine down off this bed and get up on my own”.  That really brought things into perspective for me, what we look forward to, what we hope to do.

Robert Longman Jr. writes on his website “It is often said how we all need hope to survive, how hope is what dreams feed on, how hope is what gets us past the tough times when life is at its worst.  So some people make puffy statements about hope, or create false hope or even deceptive hopes, just to keep going… But if you think about it, you’ll realize that such hoping is a shell game and a spiritual charade”.  He concludes with “I can testify that life pretty well matches what the Bible says life is like. I can share with you how Jesus’ kind of God is the only kind that makes sense. I can say that what I believe is not something I made up, but is rather something that has successfully sustained the hearts of millions over the course of two millennia”.

For those facing the end of life there can still be hope, even if a cure is not possible.  That hope is for life eternal, united with our creator in heaven.  Don’t take my word for it – like Mr. Longman says, take the word of the literally billions of people who for 2,000 years have listened to this message and taken it to heart.   

Greg and Leigh Patterson

Paris, Kentucky